Fluoxetine
by DucttapedCheshireCat
Summary: Demyx and Zexion has been a couple for nearly 2 years, but it's not really a "healthy" relationship. Axel's just living life, trying to cope. They're both 18 and then their roads cross. Rated M for a reason, not neccessarily for the smut. Zemyx, RiRoku.
1. Chapter 1

_**O.o what's this? Ems has a new story?**_

**_s'right bitches... this is what i've had in mind in a very long time and now i've finally gotten to the point where i've written._**

**_anyway.. this story.. it's about Axel and Demyx and their lives. Demyx and Zexion has been a couple for nearly 2 years, but it's not really a "healthy" relationship. Axel's just living life. They are both 18 and then their roads cross._**

**Warning for some rather.. interesting contents... some violence.. and.. blood.. and stuff.. xD**

**Disclaimer: do not own kingdom hearts or any of the songs used...**

**hmm... what more.. for those of you who doesn't know, Fluoxetine is another name for Prozac, an anti-depressants, happy pills, whatever you wanna call. them.**

**This is what happens when you let me listen to Blue October's new album for 48 hours straight. and I also think that whatever sanity i still had, finally left while i wrote this.**

**Enjoy!**

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_**Fluoxetine**_

**Chapter 1 Dirty Room**

"_Hey… Dem… Just listen to me, okay?"_

"No, Zexion. I really don't want to talk to you right now."

"_Demyx!"_

"No." With that, Demyx ended the call and turned his phone off. This was their second fight this week, and it was only Wednesday. He and Zexion had been a couple for over two years now, and they really had a nice relationship… They were just in a slump. (Or at least, that's what he always told himself)

Plus; Zexion was a really hard person to be together with. It wasn't that Demyx didn't love him, oh no, he did. But Zexion was… special. He was depressed, and had been so for a long time. He didn't always say much, and he wasn't one for displaying emotions but he did sometimes. And Demyx cherished those moments.

Demyx turned on his computer. There he was safe, Zexion wasn't a computer person. He rarely had time to be online. To his surprise he noticed that someone had added him on messenger. He didn't recognize the name, but accepted anyway. It was probably some freak or another, but hey, they were always fun to mess with.

Slowly he scrolled through his online list when the new person wrote to him.

_Flaming Fish – Rub Acid in his eyes, that'll freshen him up!__ says:  
Yo Ri, 'sup? What's up with the screen name?_

_Flying Carpet ~ Remember Life's like a jump rope. Love says:  
__Uh? I'm not 'Ri' O.o_

_Flaming Fish – Rub Acid in his eyes, that'll freshen him up! says:  
Oh? You're not Riku? I'm sorry… Who are you then? xD_

_Flying Carpet ~ Remember Life's like a jump rope. Love says:  
I'm Dem… Who are you?_

Demyx tilted his head to the side. Who was this person? Flaming Fish? What the hell…

_Flaming Fish – Rub Acid in his eyes, that'll freshen him up! says__:  
Axel, you better remember it ;)_

_Flying Carpet ~ Remember Life's like a jump rope. Love says:  
Uh.. Okay then…_

_Flaming Fish – Rub Acid in his eyes, that'll freshen him up! says__:  
But yeah.. gotta go now, my bro wants me out for a smoke. See you around_

_Flying Carpet ~ Remember Life's like a jump rope says:  
A'ight, later._

_Flaming Fish – Rub Acid in his eyes, that'll freshen him up! __appears to be offline…_

**xXx**

Axel sighed as he closed his computer before he dodged another flying sock.

"Reno! I'm on my way, stop throwing things on me." He sighed tiredly. His brother Reno just smirked at him.

"Yeah, I can see that. How did it go, did you get a hold of Riku?"

"No, I met some other dude instead… Obviously I got the wrong address." He shrugged before following Reno out on the balcony. Silently he watched the cars drive by as he exhaled a grey plume of smoke. Reno tilted his head to the side. Axel had been acting so weird lately, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was that had changed. It made the other redhead worried. Axel wasn't the one who acted strange. He was always mad.

**xXx**

Demyx fell backwards on the bed as Zexion walked closer to him. The slate haired boy had showed up out of nowhere and surprised Demyx. He leaned over the blond and pressed their lips together.

"I'm so sorry, Demyx, I really am." He whispered between the kisses. Demyx didn't have time to respond. This was what always happened. But right now he didn't care. His mind was too busy, trying to register the hands, the lips and the warm breath.

Before he knew it, Zexion had gotten both their shirts off and thrown them on the floor. His lips trailed down over Demyx's chest, making the blond gasp for air. Demyx's fingers whisked over Zexion's waist, making the slightly shorter boy shudder before he pinned Dem's hands to the bed, creating a hickey on his neck.

"Mine." He whispered silently into his ear and created goose bumps along his arms.

"I'll never hurt you again…" Zexion whispered and Demyx sealed the promise with a kiss, even though they both knew it wasn't true. It was just another one of those false pretences that Zexion lulled them into and Demyx so willingly believed.

Zexion took out the hand cuffs, the blindfold and the duct tape.

"No one will hear your screams…" He whispered. "No one, but me."

**xXx**

All too used to this, Demyx let him tie him up before Zexion touched him, from his toes, to his knees, his most secret place before drawing a thin blade across his stomach. Demyx whined a bit behind the duct tape but Zexion hushed him, stroking his cheek.

"I love you, Demyx…" He whispered before licking up the blood spilling from the thin, long wound.

**xXx**

Demyx awoke the next morning and rose, wanting a shower desperately. Everywhere ached, he had several bites, long, thin cuts with crusted blood. His back and lips felt tender, for different reasons. Lips from the glue of the duct tape, and his back from the roughness of the night.

He stumbled towards the bathroom for a shower. The warm water made his wounds and cuts burn and he gasped. But it also felt good, the pain eased a bit and it made him relax.

Once he got back to his room, Zexion was dressing before dry-swallowing a brightly colored pill and nodded.

"You want some breakfast?" Demyx nodded.

"I'm just gonna get dressed…" he mumbled before walking into the room. Hands wrapped around his waist, drying away the excess water from his wet skin. Zexion's breath tickled the back of his neck and he shivered.

"I'm sorry about yesterday… I kinda… lost control… But I do love you." Demyx looked down with a small smile.

"I love you too..." Zexion smiled and left the room. Voices from the kitchen told Demyx that his mom was home and awake, happily greeting his boyfriend. She had always liked Zexion. He was such a nice boy.

**xXx**

Axel felt like hitting his head against the table top. He hadn't slept at all that night. Thoughts were spinning around in his head like a fucking merry-go-round. His whole world was torn, confused. Walls crumbling and rebuilding, only to crumble once more.

Reno entered the kitchen and came to a stop.

"Woah… You look like shit."

"Jeez, thanks. Just what I needed to hear."

"… Take a nap, take a shower and then go to school. I'll call you and wake you up around 10."

"Nah.. I don't think I'll be able to sleep…"

"Wanna talk about it, yo?"

"No. I'm taking a shower." He rose from the table before entering the bathroom and dropped his clothes to the floor.

Water sloshed over him, making his crimson hair cling to his shoulders and he closed his eyes against the even stream of hot water.

Sleepiness hung over him like a thick veil and his eyes felt dry. Ignoring it, he stepped out from beneath the water and dried himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist and walked to his room to find clothes.

Deciding on a wine red hoodie and a pair of dark jeans with holes here and there, he then fixed his hair, put on socks and tugged on his dark green chucks.

Slowly he walked into the kitchen, chugged down a cup of coffee with a lot of milk. Usually he had it black, but he always had a lot of milk in the morning so he could drink it quickly before leaving. Reno had, like always, prepared it for him. They worked like that. When Axel was in a rush, Reno fixed little things to makes his morning go quicker and easier and vice versa.

**xXx**

Zexion had gone home to his own place after school and Demyx was currently lounging on his bed, playing with his Nintendo DS. After another hour, he grew sick of it and turned it off before turning on his computer. Once online on messenger he changed his name to 'Retarded Disfigured Clown.'

He hadn't even been online for a second before a familiar name wrote to him.

_Flaming Fish says:  
__Y'helo thar. Clown eh? May I join the clown-club?_

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
__Sure, if it makes you feel better._

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Oh yes. Much. Haha, 'sup anyway?_

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
__Oh not much.. you know.. the usual.. collecting dust in front of the screen. You?_

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Lol, pretty much the same. Not to sound creepy, but how old are you?_

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
__Wouldn't you just love to know? xD Nah, J/K. 18. you?_

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Same._

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
cool._

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Totally_

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
__How come you added me anyway?_

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Oh you know.. I like stalking you, hah_

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
__YES! Finally my life is complete! I have an instant messenger stalker! SUCCESS!_

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Hahaha, yeah. Glad to be able to make your day with my stalker tendencies._

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
__Baby, you could make my day with more than just that xD_

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Oh is that so? ;) is that a promise?  
dude, I realized I have something I gotta take care off. Be back later._

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
awww.. allright.. what cha gonna do? Molest the ten year old boy next door?_

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__DAMN IT. you caught me.. but he's actually 8._

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_Retarded Disfigured Clown says:  
but allright. See you around. Good luck,_

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) says:  
__Haha thanks. See you around._

_Flaming Fish (Harlequin) appears to be offline…_

Demyx leaned back in his seat, snickering to himself. This guy was so weird, but totally funny.

**xXx**

Axel hurried over to Riku's place. They had planned a while ago that they were going to hang out today, but Axel had totally forgot about it in his lack of sleep and talking to this guy.

He got on his bike and sped towards Riku's home. Riku was his best friend, two years older than the redhead, gay as a rainbow and had his own place. But only because his parents threw him out because of his sexuality at the age of 16.

The wind rustled through red spikes and clothes as Axel made a left turn, music playing in his ears from his headphones that he'd thrown on before getting on his bike.

"_The city is at war,  
__play time for the young and rich  
__Ignore me if you see me  
_'_cause__ I just don't give a shit  
__The city is at war, bless the young and rich"_

Once he finally reached the apartment complex he locked the bike and went up the stairs to the fourth floor. When he knocked on the door there was barking heard inside and Riku's voice telling the dog to be quiet. The door was opened and Riku grinned.

"Hey, come in. I'm just gonna put Dakota in the bedroom." Axel nodded, a bit pale. He hated dogs. Or not hated, but he was really afraid of them because when he was younger, he and his family had a dog, but it had attacked him when he played with it and they had to take it away. But the scars still remained. And he was still terribly afraid of dogs.

Once the dog was locked in, they walked into the living room and sat down on the big grey couch. They talked for a bit and Axel told him about the guy he had met online and Riku told him some anecdotes from his day, what he and Roxas, his boyfriend, had been up to during the day.

After a while of chit chat and two cups of coffee later, Riku tilted his head to the side.

"What's wrong Ax..? You seem so.. different.. weird…" Axel sighed and laid down on the couch. Riku moved closer and Axel placed his head in the silver haired boy's lap.

"I.. I'm just so confused…" Riku played with the red hair spilling over his legs.

"How so?"

"I.. I've just had my whole world thrown over… I've always been so sure I've been straight… Watching you and Roxas I knew that that was something I didn't want. I liked girls… And now… I'm not sure of anything anymore…" he sighed and rubbed his face. Riku stroked his cheek.

"Tell me…" Axel swallowed and looked out over the room.

"So… A few days ago… I saw this guy in school.. never noticed him before. And… he just… made the world brighter with his smile… he made my breath get caught in my throat… No girl has ever done that to me before…" Riku just smiled.

"What does he look like…?"

"Blond… Really pretty smile…tall and on the slim side…" Riku nodded with a small smile.

"I hope things go your way… But you have to show him to me one day…"

"Yeah... sure. It's just to come by... Roxas is enrolled in the same school anyway, so it'll be two birds in one stone." Riku nodded with a smile.

"Sounds like a plan then."

"Yeah…" Riku smiled and poured some more coffee before they continued to talk and things went back to normal. Or at least as close to normal as they could come. Axel still felt rather confused but within time it hopefully would pass.

It had helped talking to Riku. Riku always knew the answer to everything, he had yet to fail him, and the day he did, hell would freeze over.

Axel closed his eyes and just enjoyed the hand in his hair, dreaming away into another universe, a sweeter one, where everything was much simpler. Easier to handle and knowing how to act.

For a moment or two, he was asleep there, before he woke up again.

"Sorry…" he mumbled. "I'm just dead beat… Haven't slept tonight…"

Riku smiled softly.

"No worries… you wanna go home, or you too tired and just wanna crash here on the couch?"

"Couch…" Axel mumbled, half in sleep again. The silver haired one carefully rose, putting a pillow under his head and placed a blanket over him before starting to pick away the dishes.

**xXx**

"Want food!" Demanded Tidus and Demyx sighed.

"Alright, alright, I'm working on it…" He hated baby-sitting and especially this spoiled 4 year old. Tidus' parents were out on some dinner party since his dad was some big CEO of some company or another so they rarely had time for the kid. Demyx felt bad for him, but once he received a kick to the shin, he didn't feel so bad anymore.

Finally he had gotten some spaghetti and meat sauce done and set the table for the little brat. Tidus grinned happily and jumped up on his seat. He was just about to eat when he started at this.

"This is not my spoon." He held out said silverware and glared.

"I want MY spoon." Demyx held back a sigh of annoyance and looked around in the drawer, finding the right one.

"There you go." He switched the spoons and the kid nodded before pouting.

"Can you cut my spafeffi?" the older blond tightened his fists before taking out a fork and a knife and cut the spaghetti.

"All done. Bon appetite." He muttered and went to fill a glass with juice and handed it to the kid before he even had a chance to whine about it.

A few hours and three bed time stories later, Tidus was finally asleep, safe and sound in his bed and Demyx was saying goodbye to his parents before stumbling home. He was so tired he could probably fall asleep standing on the spot but it was raining and he was soaked down to the bone. Stumbling forward, he nearly tripped over a slippery rock and instead put down his foot into a deep puddle. His once navy blue Converse were now even more soaked, his socks too and he whished deeply that he'd thought of bringing an umbrella.

Finally home he just undressed in his room, dried himself off and then fell down on the bed, crashing like a light flicked out and even forgot to turn the lights off.

An hour later his one year younger sister, Naminé, came by to say good night. She smiled at the sight and pulled up the cover over her brother, turned off the lights and closed the door behind her.

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hope you enjoyed. please leave a review


	2. Chapter 2 Falling Slowly

**Happy AkuDem day to everyone out there. It's a bit late, i know, but still.**

Chapter two is now up. Had it done for a few days but didn't get through to post it.  
and yes... I've changed my nic. For those confused, i used to be DearJamie

hope you enjoy this.

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**Fluoxetine Chapter 2 Falling Slowly**

_Demyx's pov_

"_you're beautiful.." Zexion whispered to me, his cheek rubbing against mine as he stroked a hand over my arm. With a soft smile I drew my fingers through his silk like hair and kissed his cheek._

"_Thanks… I love you…" He kissed me as an answer before looking into my eyes and I got lost in the deep blue color._

"_Sing for me?" He said, still whispering and I laughed softly, starting to hum on some random tune. When he smiled, it was like the world lit up and seemed so much brighter and I cleared my throat before singing softly to him._

"_My mind it kind of goes fast  
I try to slow it down for you  
I think I'd love to take a drive  
I want to give you something  
I've been wanting to give to you for years  
My heart"_

_I was interrupted by his lips gracing over my neck, exploring every inch of skin he could reach. Wet lips played over my collarbone and up against my ear and I let my head fall back, eyes closed and lips parted. Slowly he pushed my shirt down from my shoulder to get more skin to feel, lick, bite and taste, while I just enjoyed the sensation, hands on his waist. His shirt was pushed up a bit and my fingers danced over his soft skin. It was burning hot, so warm it nearly scorched my fingertips._

_My breathing was getting heavier and I searched for his lips when he suddenly was gone. It was like he was falling backwards out the window. With a scream I rose and hurried to look out the window. His lithe form was falling in what seemed like slow motion towards the ground. It was terrifying, not the way he fell, but the way he smiled, waving to me. Like he was content, like it was what he wanted. _

"_I hope you find a way to keep from down…" I whispered into thin air before everything dissolved._

With a jerk I woke up and looked around. The room was empty, the window lightly open to let in some fresh air, since my room always got really stuffy when it was warm outside and since it was nearing spring it pretty much was hot every day.

A wave of nausea hit me and I got really warm. My heart sped up and I could barely breathe. It felt like a weight was pressing down on my chest and with a small sound of discontent I jumped up from the bed and ran out of my room.

I barely reached the toilet before I threw up. The bitter taste of bile was disgusting and I coughed a few times, only to throw up again. Tears fell from my eyes and I panted for air. One more time and some dry heaving later, I was lying on the bathroom floor, the cool linoleum soothing my burning skin.

The picture of Zexion falling out through the window haunted my brain and I stared up at the ceiling.

"How long have you been down?" I whispered against the source of light, glaring at me from the ceiling.

**xXx**

Realizing I wouldn't get any more sleep this night, I turned on my computer and went online, looking through my online list on messenger. Boredly I checked through the news and it was with a shock that I read that Michael Jackson had passed away due to heart failure. I changed my messenger name when someone wrote to me.

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:  
hi there. You awake this late? Bad boy._

_Red April says:  
what are you doing up this late yourself?_

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:_

_Not much. The usual… looking at porn ;)  
_

_Red April says:  
ugh.. way too much info…_

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:_

_Haha yeah.. figured. 'sup with you? Why you awake?_

_Red April says:  
nightmare… then I threw up._

_Flamin Fish (For My Brother) says:  
ouch.. sorry. Feeling better now?_

_Red April says:  
not really…_

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:  
oh.. well… I'm sorry.. hope you'll feel better._

_Red April says:_

_Eh, s'okay…_

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:  
okay.. : o_

_Red April says:  
so, you're a blue October fan?  
_

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:_

_No.. what's that?_

_Red April says:  
it's a band.. I love them.. and their song 'For My Brother'_

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:  
oh ahaha xD no.. I'm just really close with my brother._

_Red April says:  
haha all right, then I get it…_

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:  
yeah.. so.. where you from?_

_Red April says:  
this little shit-hole, with one high school only and it's just.. tiny and everyone knows who you are and where you go._

_Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:  
haha, ouch.. sounds like my home town… you can't even take in the mail without everyone knowing it…_

_Red April says:  
haha yeah… oh well.. I should probably head to bed. I'm dead beat and hopefully all bad thoughts and sickness have passed :b see you_

Flaming Fish (For My Brother) says:

_Haha, yeah. Sleep tight 3_

_Red April says:  
:3 night 3_

_Red April appears to be offline…_

I turned off the computer and praised some higher power that it was Saturday tomorrow so I could sleep for as long as I wanted. Curling down beneath the sheets I lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling before rolling over to my side and closed my eyes. Soon I was out cold.

**xXx**

"What would you do if I was gone?" My head snapped up and I looked over at Zexion in shock.

"W-What?"

"You heard me.. What would you do if I was gone? If… I died?" I reached up a hand to cup his face before getting up and gently kissed his lips.

"I would die… Because I don't want to live without you…" I whispered against his cheek, eyes closed. A small chuckle was heard from him and a soft hand was placed on my shoulder as he rubbed his cheek against mine.

"Sorry I asked…" he murmured, nibbling at my cheek.

"Don't worry… Just… don't ask again… and don't do anything stupid.. Akay?" he nodded and I hugged him, holding on with all my might. Gentle hands were placed around my waist, cool fingers lurking their way up my bare back and I shifted a bit. Lips graced my neck and my heart sped up. I could feel his heart hammer against my chest, proving that he was alive and cared, proving that he loved me.

Scars lined his arms and I tried not to see them, ignoring the feeling of his uneven skin against my waist. I didn't want to think about how depressed he was and what he tried to get rid of it. The brightly coloured pills he popped, the cold metal. The cigarettes burning against the bare skin of his body. (DontdoitZexion. Ohgodmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop. Why won't it stop? –**screamtearviolenceandtears**-

The nausea from before flooded over me and I closed my eyes, tears burning. But I couldn't tell him to stop. It would break him.

Bile was playing in the back of my throat and I could barely breathe. A hand on his shoulder and a light push was all that was needed.

"Hey.. Zex… I'm not feeling too well… I think I need to get home…" I murmured, looking away to not see his crushed gaze. He would take this as a hint that I didn't love him. Which wasn't true. I loved him with all my heart, every cell in my body. It just got too much sometimes. It hurt that he was so sad, so depressed and that there was nothing I could do about the person who was my whole world. I felt like crying as I rose and looked on the floor for my shirt that was no where to be seen. Slowly I walked around, finding it on the floor.

The tension in the room was thick, almost tangible and I couldn't stand it. Zexion's gaze was burning my pale back and I closed my eyes for a second before trying to find my shirt again. Finally I found it hanging from a lamp and slowly I pulled it on, my back against Zexion. With a deep breath I turned around and walked up to the bed.

"I'm really sorry, Love… It's got nothing to do with you… I love you with all that I am.. It's just that I'm not feeling to great and I didn't get too much sleep last night… nightmare.." He nodded and I gave him a light kiss before stroking his cheek and left the room.

As I walked down the stairs of the house, I knew more scars would line his arms, and I knew that somewhere, it would be my entire fault. But at the moment, I couldn't think about it. Right now, I just needed to get out, get fresh air, because I couldn't breathe.

I needed someone to talk to. Someone that didn't blame it all on me, someone that wasn't suicidal. Someone who would let me talk to the end. Let me get it all out.

Oddly enough, the only one that popped into my head was Axel, the person I met online. My god, my life is sad. The only one I had to talk to was some random stranger I met on the internet.

Slowly I made my way home, rain dripping lightly and I looked up at the sky. It was dark grey, filled with clouds that looked threatening and I sighed. My hair was slopping wet and hanging limply, probably looking like shit. As I walked, I was in my own world and I didn't see the stranger coming along the way until I walked straight into him.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry… I was walking in my own world.." I mumbled, looking up and was met by the greenest eyes I'd ever seen, framed by a mane of fire red hair. He looked like he was about my age, and he just nodded, not looking like he cared that I just made a complete face plant against his chest.

"No worries, man… I was kinda in my own world too." I nodded and stepped to the side before continuing to walk.

**xXx**

Axel knotted his eyebrows and looked after the stranger that just walked into him. Why did he recognize him so much? He continued to walk, on his way home from Riku. It had been a little too much since Roxas was there, and he couldn't stand their lovey-dovey-ness right now.

His mind was in a jumble and he could barely remember his own name by now. Everything was spinning around and he sighed as his shoes sloshed against the wet pavement. With a sigh, he walked along the road. He should get home, but he wasn't really in the mood to meet anyone right now. He'd rather be alone with his thoughts.

Even though the rain was pouring down, he couldn't bring himself to get home. His clothes, hair and shoes were drenched but he didn't really care, nor noticed. It was like he was walking through a thick fog where nothing made sense and he barely knew where he was. Breathing was hard and his heart pumped like it was its last chance. He felt lonely and with a sigh, he leaned against a tree and closed his eyes.

The rain poured down more than ever, the drips hitting the already flooded asphalt and Axel just sighed at the sight. The weather didn't help to improve his mood the slightest and he drew a hand through drenched red spikes. His cell went off in his pocket but he just ignored it.

For some reason, he had been feeling weird and down lately and he had no idea why. But really, there was no reason. It was just that his whole world had been thrown over and he had no idea where to go or what to do. Something he never thought would happen, something he never even thought about, had happen. His world was crumbling and he no longer knew what was normal in his world. He used to have control over everything in his life, but now he was just thrown over the edge. Talking to Riku had helped for the moment, but that was a few days ago now and he'd had time to think. So once again, he was at loss for what to do.

Being at Riku's place hadn't helped either. Because Roxas had been there. And to see him and Riku snuggle and cuddle, when he really needed to talk to Riku failed big time. The only thing he could think about while being there, seeing them, were the unknown boy from school that he'd failed to notice earlier, but who now could make his whole day, just by showing up in Axel's vision. He had still to hear the unknown blond talk, so he couldn't say anything about his voice, but just seeing him was enough for me. And at the same time, he couldn't stop thinking about the guy he met on internet. He was so nice. But if Axel would mention anything the guy would probably shun him and then never ever talk to him again. And that wasn't something he wanted to happen. It was nice to meet someone who he could just talk to without having to think about making a fool of himself, because they would never meet anyway. He could just be himself there, instead of the fake shell he put up in school, so his so called 'friends' would accept him.

It was a nice change from reality to just forget about the world and fool around. Not having to worry about anything. It was just him. Though sometimes he wished that he could meet this 'Dem' guy. Just to see if he was as awesome in reality as he was online. But maybe he was the same, putting up a show. Maybe it wasn't even a guy. Maybe it was a girl, pretending to be a guy because she was unsure of herself.

But once thing was certain for the redhead. There was no way that he was going to be able to tell the guy online about his feelings, or go in deeper.

As for the guy from school. He had no idea what groups he hung around in, what his name was or which class he was in. he just knew that he had never seen him before and he could light up Axel's world with a smile.

And either way, he probably weren't gay, and even if he was, there was no way he was single, not someone that looked that good.

… God what was he thinking? Was he really accepting all this so easily? There.. No… This didn't work. Sure, he didn't have anything against gays, hey, he hung out with Riku regularly, but he, himself, being gay? There was no way… Or… was it?

Was he gay? Was he interested in other guys? What would his friends say? His brother? Knowing Reno, he probably wouldn't care either way. But his friends? The again, were they really his friends if they couldn't accept what kind of persons that turned him on? Some of them probably wouldn't care, but he could probably name a few that would hate him if he told them. They would never accept it.

But then again… He needed to accept it first.

And no. There was no way he was gay.

Even if Riku said otherwise… And Riku usually knew things… Riku was his best friend, and he would accept him. But… What was he going to do? He needed time to figure this out. Someone to talk to that could help him. But who would that person be? Few of his friends would accept the subject and Riku was probably busy banging his boyfriend into the bed.

Then who was left?

Thoughts were whirling around in the redhead's mind and he couldn't place anyone, no more grasp one to understand them and try to figure out what they meant.

The only one he could think of was Dem… he just had to take the risk… There was no one else. And if it went wrong… Well… Then he'd never have to see or talk to Dem again. He didn't know who he was or where he lived. He was safe. Dem couldn't spread the rumours in school, because they weren't in the same school. It would never get out if he made a mistake. If he made the wrong choice, he would be okay.

Hopefully…

With a sigh, the redhead rose from beneath the tree and started his walk towards the apartment. The rain was still pouring down and now, just to make it all better, a low rumbling was heard from the distance.

"Great…" Axel muttered. He hated thunder. Speeding up his steps, he walked faster. The rain water was now running down his back under his hoodie, sending shivers along his whole body and he rubbed his arm. His shoes were filled with water and it squelched around in them with each step he took. It made a sipping sound each time he put his shoe down and the water in them was slowly getting warm, that nasty feeling coming. The one when the water was the same temperature as your body and it just made you feel like you had really sweaty feet.

The fabric of his shirt clung to his skin, lying plastered and feeling glued on. His jeans were getting heavy with the water and there's nothing more uncomfortable to wear than wet jeans. When he was getting home, he was going to strip and then take a long, hot shower.

Water sloshed around his shoes each time he sat down a foot, splashing up more water on his already soaked jeans, when he suddenly heard a low whining noise. At first he ignored it, thinking he just imagined it, but then when he heard it again he stopped and looked around. Once again he heard it and this time he was sure. Slowly he followed it.

Behind a rock was a small cardboard box from where the sound was coming. He knotted his eyebrows and opened it. inside, a tiny, skeletal kitten was lying. Its grey fur was drenched and it looked like a pipe-cleaner. Something told Axel that it really had fluffy fur when warm, dry and fed.

Right now though, it was just the saddest thing he'd ever seen. There was no way he could just leave the poor creature there and he picked it up.

"Goodness…" he whispered, holding the kitten to his chest.

"You weigh nothing… When was the last time someone fed you properly, hmmm?" a small mewl came from the tiny animal and he just sighed, scratching its head.

"We're almost home…" he murmured and the kitten crept closed to him. Not that he was any warmer than it was, but it was contact, a beating heart. And the gesture made said heart clench inside Axel's chest and he looked down on it.

"Who did this to a poor animal?" he whispered as he unlocked the door to the apartment. Hurrying up the stairs, he opened the door.

**xXx**

"Reno! Get over here!"

"AXEL I AM GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET MY HANDS CLOSE ENOUGH! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN AND WHY HAVEN'T YOU ANSWERED YOUR PHONE!?" Yelled Reno angrily as he came out from the living room, stomping and glaring. When he saw the kitten he just started in shock.

"Where did you find it?"

"On the street behind a rock in a cardboard box. It was abandoned…" Reno nodded silently.

"You go and take a shower. I'll give it a bath and give it some food." Axel nodded back towards his brother and held out the kitten towards him. The kitten mewled sadly, claws gripping to Axel's shirt and the younger redhead closed his eyes before finally making the kitten leave his grip and he walked into the bathroom.

He could hear the kitten mewl heart-rending and he closed the door behind him.

Letting all his wet clothes drop to the floor, he turned on the water and stepped in under it. this was ten times better than the rain.

Warm water ran down over his body and with a small groan he leaned his forehead against the wall, a hand on the cold tiles as well. Slowly the chill from the rain ran off him and was replaced with a warm feeling.

Once he felt he got up enough body heat, he washed his hair and body, then turned off the water and grabbed a towel, rubbing it against his face. It got caught in the piercing in his eye brow and he groaned a bit from the pain. Then he dried his hair and body and wrapped the towel around his waist before walking out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.

The kitten's grey fur was fluffy and still half wet, but it looked better. It didn't tremble was bad but it was looking up sadly at him. Reno walked over to him.

"I've been examining it to my best extent. It doesn't seem to have any visible injuries, but I figured you wanted to feed it. It seems too young to be legally sold… Go and get dressed and then I have a bottle ready…" Axel nodded without questioning why they had a baby bottle and walked into his room. Pulling on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, he collected his hair in a high tail without brushing it and then walked back into the kitchen.

The kitten skipped up to him and pressed against his legs, looking terrified. Reno handed him the bottle and he sat down on a chair, a small blanket around the animal and held out the bottle. At first the kitten was resistant, but once it tasted the milk, it ate hungrily. Something grew inside Axel and he sighed softly, petting it behind the ear as it ate.

"I'm gonna name it Cheshire... Ches for short…" Reno nodded and leaned against the counter.

"That's a good name…" he murmured. The kitten had soon finished the bottle and curled up in the blanket, purring loudly. Axel swallowed thickly before rising, holding the blanket to his chest.

"I'm going to my room… He can sleep with me…"

"She…" Reno corrected him, but nodded all the same and moved out of the way so his younger brother could get to his room. Axel walked past him, going into his room and sat down by his computer, keeping the blanket in his lap. The kitten was soon asleep, fed, comfortable and happy.

He turned on the computer and leaned back in the chair, rubbing the little kitten on its neck, humming to himself. Soon enough the red laptop was on and he looked through the online list on his msn. A well known noise signalled that someone had written to him.

_The March Hare says:_

_Hey there._

Axel changed his screen name and then gripped the computer to get it closer before writing ba_ck._

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
Hello to you too. And a very merry unbirthday to you._

_The March Hare says:  
why thank you. and the same to you..?_

The Cheshire Cat says:  
yes, thank you. What's up?

_The March Hare says:  
not much… thinking mostly…_

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
Ah, I see. Same here… and I am a bit angreh D:_

_The March Hare says:  
oh? Care to share?_

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
I found a kitten on the way home… Abandoned… Thin and almost drenched D:  
what are you thinking about?_

_The March Hare says:  
Oh noes DDDD:  
eh… not much… I'm starting to wonder if my boyfriend really is right for me… I had this dream, I told you, the nightmare… and well… now everything about him makes me feel weird… he was trying to get me on today and to do some stuff… But it… just made me nauseous So I ran home…_

Something inside Axel made a leap. So he wouldn't be completely fucked if he admitted his confusions to this guy

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
ouch.. sorry there mate. Anything I can do for ya?_

_The March Hare says  
nah …. I'll be fine… What about you, what are you thinking about?_

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
-sighs-  
I don't even know where to start… _

_The March Hare says:  
well.. you could always start with the beginning and stop with the you know… end xD_

The Cheshire Cat says:  
ha ha ha. Ugh.  
Well… I've always thought I was straight… Not had anything against gay people, hey, my best friend is as gay as they come… But then just a few days ago… I saw this guy in school. And he just kinda… makes the world brighter with his smile…

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
and now… I don't know anything anymore… Nothing makes sense and this is throwing whole world around… All I know, is that he's beautiful…_

_The March Hare says:  
awww :3 I wish someone would say that about me… but well… you know his name? class? Age? Anything?_

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
no… unfortunately I don't… Which sucks… big time…_

_The March Hare says:  
Yeah.. I can see that… But well.. what does he look like? :3_

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
mmm… tall.. slim.. blond in a rather unsual style… kinda messy and stuff…_

_The March Hare says:  
sounds like a cutie. Eyes?_

The Cheshire Cat says:  
this awesome blue green color…

The March Hare says:  
not pink, not green, but aquamarine… lol, just kidding. But it sounds nice…

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
mhm.. what about your little bf then?_

_The March Hare says:  
eh.. icy lavender kinda hair… deep blue eyes. A bit shorter than me and rather thin…_

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
nice… oh well.. think I'm heading to bed now… It's getting super late. And Ches is tired… _

_The March Hare says:  
a'ight, nighty you. thanks for the talk and I might see you tomorrow…_

_The Cheshire Cat says:  
night, take care 3_

_The March Hare says:  
you too, sweet dreams 3_

_The Cheshire Cat is now offline._

Axel rose from the computer table and carefully laid the blanket and the kitten on his bed, next to the pillow before going to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and hummed a bit to himself as he did so. It was one of the most boring things he knew. Once he was all done in the bathroom, he walked back to his own room, shed all his clothes and curled up under the covers.

"Goodnight Ches…" he murmured before turning the lights off and curled up on his side against the wall.

**xXx**

I sat by the computer, looking at the screen. So… okay then… Figuring I should probably turn in as well, I rose from the laptop, brushed my teeth and then walked into the bedroom, undressing and curled down on the bed, closing my eyes and was soon asleep.

* * *

please leave a reply? :3

~Ducttaped Cheshire Cat


End file.
